BillstronBlog

Molly’s birthday is drawing to a close.  She’s in bed sound asleep, and Krista and I are winding down too. This past year has been the most intense time of my life.  Having a child is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and nothing fully prepared me for it.  Upon reflecting back on my first year as a father, I feel compelled to write a little for posterity.

I’ll never forget the first few hours of Molly’s life because of the extreme emotions I experienced.  She was born 8 weeks early, skinny, and with underdeveloped lungs.  Right after birth she was put into a turkey bag to keep her warm, and at first I thought she looked really silly (she looked like a turkey after all).  I was on a new father high in blissful denial, and it took a little while before the magnitude of her condition finally sank in.  The fact was the care provided by the doctors and nurses at the NICU at Alta Bates in Berkeley was the only thing keeping her from dieing.  This dawned on me slowly over that afternoon, and by the evening my spirits were lower than ever before.  Only the love and support of our family and friends pulled me through those five weeks visiting our daughter in the NICU.  I thank God for the strength they gave us and hope that some day I can provide light during their dark times.

Life started out hard for my little girl.  As my father says, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and she has thrived since coming home from the hospital.  Her size is on par with (or larger than) a full term baby born at the same time.  She crawls and stands on her own, and we expect her to take her first steps soon.  Krista is mostly responsible for Molly’s wondrous progress.  Her love, full time care, and nutritious milk have nurtured a scrawny little preemie into a healthy beautiful toddler.  I’m so proud of my wife for being such a great mother.  Krista is the love of my life, and Molly and I are very lucky to have her.

This past year has been the most difficult and wonderful year of my life.  I can’t wait to see what happens this year!

Today was another Molly and Poppa day while Krista worked her normal Tuesday.  This morning I decided that I would just take off the entire day, devoting it all to Molly, so that Krista could get some extra work done.  It was a great idea because I haven’t gotten to hang out all day with my little girl in quite some time.  I took Molly at about 9am and, except for feedings, didn’t give her up until after 5:30 when Krista stopped working.

We started out the morning with blanket time while I ate breakfast.  That involves Molly laying on a blanket on the floor next to her Poppa, who is also sitting on the floor.  She really likes to lay there looking around at the world.  I usually get out Mr. Pea Man (thanks Combses) and the wooden rattle (thanks Great Grandma) to play with.  Mr. Pea Man likes to dance for Molly, but Molly doesn’t really pay much attention at this young age.  Hopefully his dancing skills will be better appreciated in a few weeks.  Regardless we have a lot of fun.

Similarly to two weeks ago, the highlight of our day was our walk to the lake.  After lunch I put Molly into the Moby, saddled Daisy up, and headed out the door for a walk.  We started with our normal walk around the block, but we ended by Lake Merritt.  Today is a beautiful day, and we sat there for over an hour.  Molly slept, Daisy sniffed, and I just sat there.

I’ve been so busy the last few weeks that I haven’t really had much time to think.  I feel like I’m always rushing around — from home to campus to the lake for a quick run etc etc.  Having Molly on my chest relaxes me tremendously.  Add to that the beautiful weather and nice lake scenery, and I got some really good thinking in.  I didn’t figure out the cure for cancer or anything… maybe next Tuesday.

Another quick note:  A lot of people have been asking about more recent pictures of my little girl.  I just posted a couple dozen pictures of recent adventures.  They are in different sets now, so the best way to view them all would be to just look at the photostream directly from my main Flickr site (here’s the link).

We want to wish Grandpa a happy 60th birthday.

Thanks for the help Lola.

Yesterday was very trying for us. We saw most of the progress Molly worked so hard to make, evaporate before our eyes. By the end of the night, she was back in an isolet (incubator) because she was having trouble keeping her temperature up. This feels like a crushing blow.

Hopefully today will be better. All we can do is remember that she is exactly where she needs to be, and we don’t want her to come home until she is ready. It’s hard to remember some times.